


I know you like it but it drives you insane

by Saint_of_Hell



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bisexual Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Canon Compliant, Cuddling & Snuggling, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, implied minsung, panicked gay hyunjin, why isnt that a tag, wow thats actually a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:01:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21748699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saint_of_Hell/pseuds/Saint_of_Hell
Summary: Hyunjin wants Changbin to show him how to date girls but Changbin doesn’t want to.Hyunjin tries to find out why.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 10
Kudos: 246





	I know you like it but it drives you insane

**Author's Note:**

> I said months ago that I'll use that title for my next ff so here it is.
> 
> Dont like, dont read.

“I want you to go on a date with me, Hyung.” Hyunjin announces while he flops down on the bench next to Changbin in their dorm kitchen. The other boy coughs into the coffee he was about to drink. “You want me to what?”  
“Go on a date with me!”  
“Yeah, I’ve heard that the first time. Where does this come from now?”

Hyunjin rolls his eyes as if that isn’t clear. “There is this group of girls at my school who always hang around at breaks where my friends and I are and they are really cute.”  
“Wait, you want me to go on a date with you and some girls from your school?”  
“That’s what I said.”  
“That’s really not what you said,” Changbin looks pointedly at Hyunjin, who looks like he is about to pout. “But it’s a no anyway.”

Now Hyunjin is definitely pouting. “But why not?” he whines.  
“Because I don’t want to.”  
“But you’ve been on dates before and you know how it works! And they are cute! I can show you some of their insta profiles.” Hyunjin starts fishing for his phone inside his large leather bag.  
Thankfully, before he can find it, a loud sound from the hallway announces Jisung and Jeongin, so Changbin is saved from the conversation.  
For now at least.

Some days have passed and Changbin almost hopes that Hyunjin has forgotten about the whole thing.  
The older boy comes home surprisingly early; he had a recording session with Chan, who’s now recording Jisung, so Changbin figured he could just go home early for once.  
When he enters the dorm only Jeongin’s shoes stand by the door, the youngest probably in his room doing homework, and Hyunjin’s.  
  
Changbin almost doesn’t see him lying on the couch in a heap of blankets. He looks asleep.  
But as Changbin crosses the room Hyunjin makes one of his needy-whiney sounds, beckons the other boy to come closer. The younger still has his eyes closed, so he seems not to care who he calls to cuddle with him.  
  
Changbin has never met someone who’s as cuddly and clingy as Hyunjin. But the other boy is always soft and warm and Changbin is really tired, so he crawls under the blanket besides Hyunjin who promptly wraps all of his limps around him, like a giant cuddly octopus. They lie like this for a while, neither of them speaking, just breathing in sync.  
Just when Changbin is about to fall asleep Hyunjin starts “I’ve been thinking…”  
“Wow”, the other boy teases, opening his eyes to look at his dark-haired friend. Hyunjin smiles slightly but continues “About the dating.”  
  
Changbin groans.  
“Tell me at least why you don’t want to.”  
“Why don’t you just ask someone else?” Changbin tries to deflect.  
Hyunjin doesn’t even have to think about that. “Remember at ISAC, when you talked to that group of girls?” Changbin has to think for a while before he remembers. “Well, Chan practically had to drag me to talk to them.” He laughs awkwardly.  
  
“But then they really liked you! I could tell, even from afar.”  
“Well, why don’t you ask Channie-Hyung to help you like he helped me?”  
Hyunjin tsks at that. “Nah, girls always act weird around Chan-Hyung.”  
  
Changbin opens his eyes to check if that was some kind of diss against himself but the other boy is still smiling with his eyes closed.  
Changbin huffs. “You’re right. Girls do always act weird around Chan-Hyung.”  
“Plus, he’s always busy.”  
“That, too.” Hyunjin scrunches his nose in thinking. “If you don’t come with me and don’t tell me why not, I’m asking Chan-Hyung what’s your problem with it.”  
“That’s blackmail!"  
  
Hyunjin’s slight smile turns into a smirk. “I know.”  
Changbin rolls his eyes even though the other can’t see. Maybe if he lays low, Hyunjin will just forget about the whole thing.  
  
Their tiredness is on Changbin’s side and after some minutes of shared silence the boys fall asleep wrapped around each other until Chan comes home at 4 in the morning, waking them up to shoo them into their own beds.

One week later they have a mini meeting in their dorm. Its only Chan, Hyunjin, Minho and Seungmin, since the others have conflicting schedules. Chan looks tired as hell as he explains the preliminary ideas for their next dance, probably because he already explained it three times to the rest of the group. Finding a date and time to meet up with their instructors and trainers to practice it for the first time is even more difficult and takes about 30 minutes until they have the date set.

Seungmin excuses himself as soon as they are done but Hyunjin hangs around, hesitant because Minho is still sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand. Hyunjin had wanted to talk to Chan alone but he knows if he asks for a private talk, Minho will surely get suspicious. Plus it’s a miracle that he sees their leader at the dorm at all.

“Got any questions, Jinnie?” Chan asks him. Hyunjin moves closer, playing with the ring on his left hand. He feels nervous even though he doesn’t know why.  
“Yes, but it’s not about the new training routine.”  
  
“Go on then.” Chan gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, his eyes as perceptive as ever.  
“I asked Changbin to go on a coffee date with me and some girls from my school, they are really cute but Changbin doesn’t want to and I don’t know why, I asked him but he doesn’t tell me, even though I asked him lots of times and now I really wanna know why he doesn’t want to?” Hyunjin knows he is rambling.  
He hears Minho snort from behind him, but Chan's expression doesn’t change.  
  
“You asked Changbin to go on a coffee date with you and some girls from school?” the leader asks.  
“Mhm.”  
“What do I have to do with it?” Chan gives him a puzzled look, so Hyunjin explains his thoughts about the ISAC situation and Changbin and Chan being close friends and so on, but after a while Minho interrupts him “Why don’t you ask Felix?”  
Hyunjin turns around. Minho looks innocent, his phone still in hands, but nothing’s ever really innocent when Minho is involved.  
  
“Why would I ask Felix?”  
“He tried to date Changbin too, right?” Minho looks down to examine his nails, but his eyes are sparkling. “Minho!” Chan exclaims.  
The other boy just shrugs. “Well, he did.” Hyunjin looks back and forth between them.  
  
“Wait, you mean like date date? But I thought that was just fanservice?” the younger boy asks, confused. Minho rolls his eyes and Hyunjin could swear that Chan rolls his as well.  
“He definitely wanted to date Changbin,” Minho continues. “I mean, since he’s a foreigner,” he wiggles his eyebrows on that word, “he’s probably not so picky whether it’s a girl or…”  
“MINHO!” Chan interrupts him, scolding. “That’s not for you to judge and it’s none of your business!” Minho just shrugs in a ‘I’m just saying’ style. Hyunjin’s eyes shoot back to their leader.  
“Besides, I’m a foreigner, too. Do you see me dating boys?”  
Minho laughs, making him look a little intimidating. “No, but you totally would, hyung.” At that Chan laughs as well. “I totally would, if I were interested in that.”

All this talk about… sexuality is making Hyunjin nervous. He doesn’t even know why, it’s not like he’s a prude or prejudiced or something. He can feel his ears go warm which means they will turn red soon. He has to leave before one of the others notices or he never lives down the teasing.  
  
Sexuality questions are embarrassing enough in your own head, so Hyunjin is sure he would just die of embarrassment if he ever has to talk about it out loud.  
It was weird enough to fill out that psychological form sheet when he entered JYP because the company wants to make sure nobody creates public drama by being accidentally gay or into BDSM or whatever. Not that Hyunjin has paid closer attention to any of those topics.

Ugh, now he has lost track of Chan’s and Minho’s conversation, which seems to have moved on to the general topic of differences between Korea and Australia. What an unsuspicious time to leave.  
But when he gets up to leave Minho mouths “Talk to Felix” at him again and just like that Hyunjin’s intention to go quietly is gone.  
  
“Just tell me what it has to do with Felix,” he all but whines. He can feel Chan’s scornful look at Minho but when the leader turns to Hyunjin his eyes are soft again. Yet he tries to be diplomatic about it, as always. “Hyunjinnie, I get that you’re upset. Or curious. Or both. But I’m really not gonna discuss Felix with you when he’s not here. Or Changbin, for that matter.”  
  
Hyunjin huffs. He knows Chan is right and that he shouldn’t talk about his friends behind their backs.  
“But I just really wanna go on a date,” he pouts instead.  
Chan laughs at that. “You do realize the dating ban includes you too, little prince?” Hyunjin blushes at the old nickname.  
  
“Yeah but it’s not like it’s a real date. It’s just going somewhere nice and sit together and talk while getting coffee.”  
“That’s literally the definition of a date.” Chan winks at him.  
Hyunjin thinks about it.  
  
“But Jisung and Minho-…” he starts, and Minho actually hisses at him while Chan groans and interrupts: “Don’t ‘Jisung and Minho’ me. This argument is invalid. I’ve had way too many talks with the managers about it, I refuse to talk about it one more time!”

Minho really has the indecency to look smug about that. Sometimes the boy is a pain in the ass and Hyunjin realizes, right now he himself probably is too. And he knows when he’s defeated, so he grabs his phone from the table.  
“I’m gonna solve this on my own then,” he announces. Chan exhales. “Do what you have to do, but don’t get distracted, all right?” He’s always in leader mode and Hyunjin nods. He won’t. He just has to find out why Changbin doesn’t want to go on this date with him and how Felix is involved in that. It shouldn’t be that difficult. Hyunjin is good at finding things out. He will talk to Felix, it will all make sense and then he confronts Changbin again. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.  
  
Before Hyunjin opens the door to his room he looks back to the couch. “Thanks for the tip with Felix, Minho-hyung,” he calls and he can hear Minho’s soft laughter and Chan’s groan through the closing door.  
  
Later, when Hyunjin has already changed into his sleeping shirt and boxers, tucked into his bed listening to some kdrama soundtrack he grabs his phone to shoot Felix a short message. He hesitates before he clicks send. Maybe Chan is right and he should just let the whole dating thing go and focus on music. Anyway, he ends up asking Felix when their schedules align enough to spend their break together in one of the trainings rooms to eat lunch.  
  
Felix replies almost instantly, sending him a date and a time without further question. Hyunjin is once again reminded what a good friend the Australian is to him. In the past he’s talked a lot with Felix, even more serious topics than he would normally talk about when all of them are together. Felix is a good listener, he can be serious and focused and empathetic, despite being one of the youngest in the group. He has even shared some of his struggles with Hyunjin. Even though the tall boy hadn’t felt very helpful to his friend, he still takes pride in being trusted like that.  
  
Yes, talking to Felix will be a good idea. He does not have to talk about the dating or Changbin after all or bring up the whole sexuality topic Minho has implied. He could just spend some quality time with his friend and that’s it.  
  
  


But of course, the downside of having an empathetic friend is that Felix notices right away that something is on Hyunjin’s mind. Both of them are sitting on the red couch in one of the smaller practice rooms. They are sharing a blanked even though its summer but aircon is always blasting inside the JYP building.  
  
They’d had summer rolls for lunch (Hyunjin had picked the cilantro and carrots out of his, because yikes) and now the blonde boy is looking at him trying to figure out what is going on.  
  
So Hyunjin tells him. Yes, sometimes he’s not that good at following through with his own plans.  
But as expected Felix is listening to him describing the girls at school and Changbin’s weird reaction and Hyunjin’s confusion about it without making fun of Hyunjin like the others had.  
  
In the end, Felix laughs softly. “So, who told you to talk to me about it?” Hyunjin blushes.  
“It was Minho-hyung, right?” He nods.  
  
“I figured. He was always the one teasing me the most about my crush on Changbin-Hyung.”  
Hyunjin’s eyes go round. “So it’s true?”  
Felix crunches his nose in confusion. “You teased me about it as well.” “But I thought we were just joking,” Hyunjin answers defensibly. “You know, fan service.”  
“Yeah, well, it is, and at the same time it was not.”  
  
Now it’s Hyunjin’s turn to look confused. “So Minho-hyung’s right? That you like…?” (That you like boys and girls? That you like Changbin?) he almost blurts before he can stop himself.  
He can feel how his cheeks get red and hot. Why does he have to get embarrassed so easily? He bites his tongue before he can say even more embarrassing things. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything, what if Felix will be mad at him? He peeks at Felix from under his fringe.  
  
But Felix is still smiling. He pats Hyunjin gently on the knee.  
“That I’m bisexual, yes.” At Hyunjin’s wide eyed stare the blonde boy laughs softly. “It’s just a word, Jinnie. Relax. I’m not mad.”  
Hyunjin takes a shaky breath. He feels young and stupid, besides being the older of the two.  
  
“Does the company know?” he asks the first question that comes to mind, even though he has the vague feeling that’s not what he really wants to know. But even if Felix notices, he still answers patiently: “Yup. Made me fill out a lot of extra paperwork and contracts. Kinda like a gagging order. Had to work out a ‘Plan b’, too, if something gets out to the public. Some explanation of me being a foreigner and stuff.” They both huff at that but Hyunjin gets serious again.  
  
“Why have we never talked about this?” he asks, aware that it sounds slightly accusingly. Felix eyes him. “Dunno. Never came up?” Hyunjin blinks at him, unconvinced.  
“All right, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable with the topic.”  
“I’m not uncomfortable,” Hyunjin answers lamely.  
  
Felix squeezes his knee again. “You’re doing fine, Jinnie.” The taller boy takes a deep breath again.  
“You talked about it with Changbin?”, he asks, his voice still sounding small to his own ears.  
“Yes. Figures, right? Since I had a crush and all.”  
“So it’s not just fanservice?”  
“Well, now it is of course.”  
“But it wasn’t?”  
  
“For me it wasn’t.” the blonde answers honestly. “But of course I still played it up a little for the cameras.”  
“Played it up?”  
“Like we all do. Cuddling and touching and trying to kiss. Even though I really did want to do more.”  
  
Hyunjin can feel himself violently blushing at the other’s words. Felix notices and quickly adds “No, no, that sounded wrong. Nothing like that. Get your mind out of the gutter!” Hyunjin makes an embarrassed sound and hides his face behind his hands, hoping the other won’t notice how hot and shaky he feels.  
“Sorry?”, he whispers.  
“It’s alright. I worded it wrong.”, Felix laughs. “It’s not like I’m an expert talking about such a topic with someone else.”  
  
“I’m glad that I am a trustworthy friend for you to do so.” Hyunjin is still talking from behind his hands, maybe he will hide there forever. At least until his face doesn’t feel like a tomato anymore.  
“There is no need to be so formal, Hyunjin. It’s okay, really. Anyway, what I meant was that I wanted to ask Changbin-Hyung out on a date.” Felix gently takes the other’s hands and peels them from his faces. He doesn’t comment on Hyunjin avoiding eye contact.  
“So we’ve both been rejected on the dating topic even though we asked different things.”  
  
Felix seems to think about that. “I’m not so sure if it’s really that different.”  
“Well, I didn’t ask HIM out”, Hyunjin is quick to reply, the panic much too obvious in his voice.  
The knee pat again. “Yeah, I know. But maybe that somehow is the point.”  
“What?”  
“I mean… Changbin-hyung clearly likes you. He’s always whining about how the two of you don’t spend enough time together since we debuted. Why would he turn down the opportunity to spend a whole afternoon with you? Unless he doesn’t want you to date girls and just spend time with him instead.”  
  
Hyunjin looks at him, dumb folded.  
“He…. what?” he croaks, again.  
Now Felix is sitting up on his knees, exited. “It totally makes sense, Hyunjin!”  
  
The older boy feels like a million thoughts race inside his head and he can’t even pick one.  
And before he can make up his mind if he wants Felix to go on or just shut him up and never talk about that topic ever again, the practice room door opens with a bang and Jisung pokes his head in.  
  
Typical Jisung, he doesn’t cross the small room to tell them what he has to say but just yells across the room “Chan-hyung wants to see Lixie in the recording room! And Hyunjin, you are late for social practice!” and then he’s gone again.  
Felix smiles apologetic and gets up “Sorry I made you late. And sorry for confusing you, lets continue our talk later?”  
Hyunjin just nods and watches the younger one leave.  
  
What???  
  
But Hyunjin can’t concentrate at all. In fact, now he’s worrying about Felix as well. If the Australian had a crush on Changbin and is now suspecting (for whatever reason!) that Changbin has a crush on Hyunjin, that must hurt him, right?  
Hyunjin excuses himself to the bathroom taking his phone with him what he never does, but he has to apologize to Felix.  
  
The answer comes a few hours later, probably the second the blonde had time to take a look at his phone.  
Hyunjin is sitting in the dorm’s kitchen watching Jeongin cooking dinner for himself. He’d asked Hyunjin to join but Hyunjin rarely eats after 6 and now it’s close to 11pm.  
  
Hyunjin just doesn’t want to spend time alone in his room, since none of the others are home yet. That’s one of the plus points of living in a dorm, most of the time someone is always home and you don’t have to be alone. At least that’s a plus point for Hyunjin.  
  
He unlocks his phone to read Felix’ message.  
  
  
Aussie boy: ahhh! dw! told you I was over it  
Aussie boy: and tbh i’m feeling better now that i know it wasn’t me  
  
Hyun: ???  
Hyun: good youre not mad tho <33 i worried  
  
Aussie boy: you worry too much <333  
Aussie boy: I mean  
Aussie boy: if he turned me down bc he likes you that’s like a good reason right? its better than if he turned me down bc he hates me  
Aussie boy: idk  
Aussie boy: its stupid I know  
  
Hyun: Nooooo!!  
Hyun: Changbin-Hyung would never hate you!  
Hyun: Nobody could!!!!  
  
Aussie boy: .//////.  
Aussie boy: I know its stupid but sometimes we think stupid things right  
Aussie boy: Anyway  
Aussie boy: What we didn’t talk about  
Aussie boy: Do you have feelings for him??  
  


Hyunjin makes a panicked sound. He was panicking about that question ever since their conversation moved in that direction earlier. He looks up to see if Jeongin has noticed anything but the youngest is still busy with his cooking pot.  
  
“ _Are you like me_?” Hyunjin imagines Felix’ voice asking in his thoughts.  
No.  
Nonono. I’m not like anyone. I am me. Of course I have feelings for guys too, especially my friends. I have lots and lots of feelings. For almost anybody. I’m an emotional person with lots of feelings. Everybody says so.  
  
But he can’t write that so he deletes it again and writes: ofc :> i love binnie more than anyone. we spend time together since early training days even the weekends at each other’s homes. he taught me a lot of things and even tho hes always annoying me hes a good hyung.  
There it is. Emotional and yet platonic. A bit long and defensive maybe, but it’s the truth, so… Hyunjin is proud of his answer.  
  


Aussie boy: so you have seen him naked? :p  
  
Hyunjin rolls his eyes. This boy. Really??  
  
Hyun: maybe?  
Hyun: cant remember  
  


Which isn’t entirely true. When they slept over at Changbin’s place and his parents weren’t home the two boys had a habit of skinny dipping at night in the Seo’s pool. Hyunjin wasn’t sure anymore how or why it had started but it had kind of become their thing. Thinking back he now even remembers how excited he always was about it.  
Hyunjin feels his cheeks color. He sure as hell wouldn’t tell Felix about this. Or anybody else for that matter.  
Felix next question rudely brings him back to the present.  
  


Aussie boy: and you two have kissed right?  
  


Hyunjin groans quietly. He isn’t sure why Felix asks that. It’s not like their behavior is a secret among the group.  
Hyunjin and Changbin both are very affectionate, throwing around kisses and even give each other the occasional pec on the lips. Well, mostly Changbin does the latter. Hyunjin is always scared someone will notice or call them out, but until now none of that had happened. Changbin had been fascinated with the taller boy’s lips ever since they met (or so he said) and Hyunjin really likes it when the other comes to his bed at night to cuddle and to gently trace his lips with his fingers.  
When Hyunjin is sad, Changbin always pats his head or strokes his hair, or gives him kisses on the forehead or on the nose. When he’s happy or proud of Hyunjin, he gets a pec on the lips. It’s like a reward – nothing wrong with that. Hyunjin decides not to read too much into it.  
  


Hyun: yes  
Hyun: but  
Hyun: you know that already  
Hyun: i know youre up to something :<  
Hyun: im sleepy im going to bed *sleepy smiley  
  
Aussie boy: ok I already knew that  
Aussie boy: last question?  
Aussie boy: plssss?  
  


Hyunjin knows he should just leave but he’s so bad at denying wishes.  
  


Hyun: fine  
  


Felix must have typed out the question already because his answer is immediate  
  


Aussie boy: have you ever thought about him while getting off?  
  
  


Hyunjin sucks in a breath and somehow ends in a coughing fit. HOW CAN HE ASK THAT SO UNFASED.  
And great, now Jeongin has noticed something is wrong.  
  
“Everything good, Jinnie?”  
Hyunjin nods, still coughing, tears in his eyes because he is barely getting air. Jeongin fills a glass of water and brings it to him, waiting until he has drunk the whole thing and can breathe somewhat normally again. Hyunjin tries to imagine what he looks like right now, his face is probably red as a tomato but at least he’s not dying from choking on his own spit anymore.  
  
“You alright?” the youngest asks, confused.  
“I…”, Hyunjin croaks. “Yes. Sorry.” He clears his throat. Jeongin looks unconvinced. Damn that Hyunjin is such a bad liar.  
  
“Felix send me something inappropriate.” It’s the first explanation that comes to his mind and well, it’s kind of true isn’t it.  
The youngest looks slightly disgusted. “No porn at the dorms. You know the rules.”  
Now Hyunjin blushes even more.  
“It wasn’t porn! It really was not! I swear!”  
Jeongin still looks unconvinced but luckily he doesn’t push so Hyunjin steals himself out of the conversation as quickly as possible.  
  
Back in his room Hyunjin writes Felix a big NO in caps lock and far more exclamation marks than strictly necessary. The other boy has the nerve to write back a laughing smiley and one that sticks out its tongue.  
Hyunjin sighs and flops down onto his bed. Right now he is kind of glad that he’s alone for the moment. Felix really had him thinking about some stuff.  
  
  
  
When Hyunjin identifies the footsteps in the hallway nearly two hours later as Changbin’s he takes a deep breath. He has finally calmed down after an awful lot of thinking. Well, at least he thinks he has.  
The door to his room opens slowly and in the dim light from the hallway he can see Changbin poking his head in.  
“You still awake, Jinnie?” he whisper-shouts.  
Hyunjin giggles. “Now I am,” he fake complains.  
  
Changbin opens the door a little wider and slips inside, but still lingering at the door.  
“Innie told me it’s just the two of you and the others are still out.”  
Hyunjin nods even though the other probably can’t see.  
  
“We didn’t have a lot of time for each other recently, “ the older boy continues. “Mind if I join you for some cuddles?”  
“Since when do you ask?”  
Changbin laughs evilly but Hyunjin can tell that he’s uncharacteristically nervous. Maybe it’s because of that stupid dating thing. Suddenly Hyunjin is afraid that he has ruined something between them.  
  
He clears his throat before he continues in a voice he hopes sounds teasing. “You can always join for cuddles, you know that, you stupid…”  
“Ah ah ah!”  
“…hyung.”  
  
It makes Changbin smile, just like Hyunjin had hoped, and the former awkwardness is gone.  
“Ready in 10, just take a quick shower,” the dark haired boy announces.  
“So more like 20.”  
“You’re one to talk, pretty boy. Make sure you warm the bed for me!”  
  
  
Hyunjin is still giggling when the door falls into the lock as Changbin leaves.  
He takes a deep breath again. He has had a lot of time to think and to clear his mind.  
  
As proven right now and time and time again: Changbin makes him happy. In fact, he’s the only one who can always cheer Hyunjin up, no matter what.  
Hyunjin has found many good friends among their group: Felix to always share his feelings with, Seungmin for deep conversations and Chan for emotional support.  
But Changbin is all of that. All of that and so much more. The two of them are always bickering and teasing and yes, maybe flirting. Their friendship has been special from the start. And not only in an awwww kind of special but also in a others-give-us-second-glances-special and others-are-rolling-their-eyes-at-us-special. But they had never cared about all of that.  
  
And yes, maybe the constant cuddling and touching is weird to others, even in their business where everyone is so used to skinship. And don’t get started on the kissing. Or the naked swimming. But it is theirs and had always been their way and it makes Hyunjin feel a deep happiness and excitement he hadn’t felt with anyone before or ever since.

And yes, Felix questions have been embarrassing as hell, because normally Hyunjin doesn’t sit down and reflect on those things, but anyway, he can’t change how he feels, right? What’s the point in being embarrassed about it if it’s okay for Changbin and himself and if the two of them are on the same boat.  
  
But… doubt creeps in again. Are they?  
Hyunjin thinks they are and Felix thinks it looks like they are but Hyunjin still can’t be sure, right?  
  
  
So that’s when he has decided to ask Changbin about it.  
The group always makes fun of Minho for asking _“How do you like me?”_ in his two kids room with Jisung, but ever since Hyunjin has lain down on his bed nearly two hours ago and took the time to think about his relationship with Changbin in the confines of his own mind, the question had started to make a lot more sense.  
  
Despite the teasing Minho has explained his opinion that there are not only two types of love, platonic and romantic, but many many shades in between and that romantic love shouldn’t be treated like some upgrade from friendships because that actually downgrades friendship. Romantic love isn’t “more”, it’s just a different type. And the terms aren’t exclusive.  
  
Hyunjin secretly admires when Minho gets like that: all serious explaining a complex topic that he deeply cares about, even if the others just blink at his words in confusion.  
Anyway, Hyunjin now thinks he can perfectly use this to find out where he and Changbin stand.

  
  
Of course Changbin’s shower takes so long that Hyunjin is nearly asleep when the other enters his room again. He whines when the older lifts his bedcover to slip under it, exposing Hyunjin to the cold air.  
  
“Shh, hyung’s here to cuddle you warm again,” Changbin announced, wrapping his arms and legs around Hyunjin. The younger sighs, snuggling closer. Maybe he can save the talk for another day.  
  
They are lying so close to each other that Hyunjin can see the other has his eyes closed even in the dark. The atmosphere is cozy and familiar, this is how they’ve spent late evenings or even the night together about a hundred times.  
Still, something is different tonight. Or maybe it’s just a product of Hyunjin’s mind.

But as his eyes close again, he hears Changbin take a deep breath before asking quietly “Are we good?”  
Hyunjin breathes in and out before he answers. “I… don’t know? Did I ruin it?”  
“Did YOU ruin it?”  
  
They are talking at the same time now. “Yeah? I shouldn’t have asked you to go on a date with those girls from my school-“ “-No, I shouldn’t have turned you down like that-“ “-that was really insensitive-“ “-Wait, why do you think that would be insensitive of you?”  
  
Hyunjin freezes. Great. He hadn't planned on saying that.  
Changbin turns to look at him, his face so close and his eyes pitch black in the dark room.  
Hyunjin swallows.  
  


“Can I ask you something?” he asks instead of answering.  
He gets away with it. Changbin always lets him get away with anything.  
“You can ask me anything.”  
  
“Do you like me?”  
He can see Changbin contemplating to answer in a fun way, like they always do. His mouth is already open, ready to form some silly words. Hyunjin tenses.  
  
But Changbin doesn’t say anything. He just looks at Hyunjin, really looks, his gaze so intense that the younger has to close his eyes for a second, hoping the other won’t see him blushing.  
Changbin pulls him closer, impossibly closer and when he answers “yeah” Hyunjin can feel the other’s exhale ghosting his face. It feels cool against his overheated skin.  
  
  
Hyunjin’s heart skips a beat before he asks – very very quietly: “How do you like me?”  
He's still so afraid that he knows what would surely follow; the other is lifting his hand, probably to pinch his cheek, then slipping into aegyo mode, most likely saying something like “I like you in every way Jinnie” in his high pitched aegyo voice and the mood will be light and teasing and back to normal and Hyunjin doesn’t know if that’s something he wants or something he fears.  
  


Brave, so much braver than he ever thought himself, Hyunjin catches Changbin’s hand midair to his face. The other’s eyes slightly widen in surprise. Hyunjin could swear they reflect some of his own fear but it’s too dark to tell.

“What do you mean by that?”, Changbin finally whispers.  
Their faces are so close, barely an inch between them.  
  
A minutes goes by. Or maybe just a few seconds, but it feels longer.  
Hyunjin doesn’t answer. He’s not sure he can.

“Show me,” Changbin prompts.  
  


Hyunjin has to smile. Slowly he lets out the air he didn’t know he held.  
“No”, he says, his voice surprisingly stable, a stark contrast against the frantic beating of his heart and the ringing in his ears.  
“You show me.”

He lets go of the others hand, who moves it behind Hyunjin’s head, resting it on his neck, a gentle pull without pulling.

“You sure?” the older whispers, their faces now so close his lips are ghosting over Hyunjin’s and he knows, he knows, they’re on the same page now.  
A single, quick nod.  
  


And then Changbin tightens his grip and closes whatever small distance was left between them and his lips are soft on Hyunjin’s but the kiss isn’t soft at all. Still Hyunjin can feel the other trying to hold back but he feels like he is drowning so he kisses back with even more force.  
That seems to confuse the older and he tries to pull back but Hyunjin lets out a low whine. He didn’t even know he could make such a sound. H sounds needy, almost inhuman.  
Changbin growls at that, he fucking growls, and Hyunjin can literally feel the air around them thicken.  
  
He opens his eyes at the same time as the other.  
They are still in the same position as they were 5 minutes ago, on Hyunjin’s bed in their dorm, so impossibly close to each other, the older still gripping his neck, hard.  
Yet they are in a different place. They are at a crossroad.  
From the outside they have done nothing they haven’t done before. But they both know that this is something different, something new.

And Hyunjin doesn’t want to ever come back from this, doesn’t want to go back to before, he wants to chase this strange feeling lighting him up from the inside.  
  
So he shuts his eyes again and now he is the one closing the distance between them once more. Changbin lets him kiss him, his mouth eager and pliant.  
Hyunjin grabs the other by his shirt, to pull him closer, to keep him close. This is it. This is what he wants. This and more of this.  
Tentatively he opens his mouth a little wider and gently traces the other’s lips with his tongue.  
  


This is new, they have never done anything like this before.  
But before the fear if that was the right thing to do gets hold of Hyunjin, Changbin tightens his grip on the younger’s neck, opening his mouth, deepening the kiss even more.  
Hyunjin tries not to whimper every time their tongues touch and stroke each other but it becomes more and more difficult. He feels hot all over and he can feel himself getting hard.  
  
Just when he’s about to panic about the other noticing, Changbin gabs him and manhandles Hyunjin’s lean body on top of his smaller but stronger frame without breaking the kiss.  
Now they are touching from head to toe and Hyunjin can feel the other is in a very similar state as himself and that turns him on even more. Lust shoots through him, white and hot, and without thinking he grinds his hips down.  
“Jinnie…”, Changbin groans and rolls his hips up to meet the other’s thrusts.  
  
  
Exactly in that moment the door opens. The two of them instantly shoot two feet apart.  
Whoever had opened the door puts his bag inside without turning on the light and then the door is closing again, slowly, as not to wake anybody up.  
  
“Oh my god!”, Hyunjin whispers, shocked. He isn’t sure if he should laugh or cry.  
“That was close”, Changbin whispers back, sounding equally shocked.  
  
Hyunjin reaches for him, because that’s what he always does when he feels uncomfortable. When their hands touch the other boy finally looks back from the door to Hyunjin.  
Changbin looks still wide eyed from the shock but his lips are very red from all the kissing and his hair is a mess.  
Maybe it’s the contrast that finally makes Hyunjin crack and he falls back on the bed, giggling and laughing until Changbin joins in. They just lie in the dark for minutes laughing their asses off until they are out of breath, again.  
  
“Oh my god”, Hyunjin repeats when he can finally breath again. Changbin has calmed down, too. And before Hyunjin can think of anything else to say the older has wrapped his arms around him again, gently pulling him back on the mattress, side to side like they were before.  
  
  
“We good?” he asks softly, stroking Hyunjin’s probably equally messy hair.  
Hyunjin feels small (again) but decides to be brave because that has turned out well for him so far.  
“I feel very good, hyung.” He smiles at the other.  
  
Changbin smiles back and leans in to give him a small kiss on the lips (see, a reward!). “I feel very good, too, Jinnie.”  
They both lie in the darkness for a while until Changbin speaks again.  
“So, can we do that again? Or was it just a trick to get me on that ‘girls from school’ date with you?”, he teases, but Hyunjin can hear the insecurity behind the question. His face feels hot again as his cheeks redden.  
  
“Ah, noo. Of course it wasn’t about that. I’m so sorry about the whole thing, Hyung, I don’t know what I was thinking…” he whines and tries to bury his face between the other’s neck and shoulder.  
Changbin gently pats his head. “It’s okay, Jinnie. What even was that about? Have you tried to lead me on or were you seriously just confused?”  
  
“I… don’t know.” This is so embarrassing, but the last hour has proven that you get rewarded for being strong, so Hyunjin takes a deep breath to calm himself down before he speaks again.  
“Maybe I was just confused. I mean I kind of like these girls and I wanted to go on a real date, but I don’t like anybody as much as I like hyung. It just didn’t cross my mind that I could do exactly what I want to do with you instead.”  
  
He can actually feel the other boy smirk. “So now you want to go on a date with me?”  
“Maybe? Yeah. Yeah, definitely!”  
“And…what else?”  
  
“Hyung!” Hyunjin whines, getting even more flustered. But Changbin just laughs and kisses him on the forehead and then his nose and then his lips until Hyunjin doesn’t feel embarrassed anymore but a different kind of flustered.  
  
  
“We can do that again. And anything else you want”, he says into the silence a while later, the two of them lying side by side on the narrow bed again. “But maybe we wait until nobody else I home.”  
  
Changbin laughs.  
“We should definitely do that. All of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo, thats my first RPF (and probs the most innocent thing ive written so far haha). 
> 
> I'm still sorry, Chan!
> 
> Also, stan Stray Kids and stream Levanter!


End file.
